One step closer

[valancy_jane]

Growing up, I didn't need to be reminded to do my homework or follow the rules. Not doing so was...impossible. Inconceivable. There were rules. There were expectations. I would have found it easier to break my own arm than to try to bend a rule.

After last week's allergies and exciting stomach issues, today I woke up feeling, to my relief, fantastic. I went running for three miles, walked an additional one, and realized something that felt even better: somewhere along the road, running went from this stressful, I-have-to-be-perfect, joy-or-misery exercise to just...something I do. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. The end. I enjoy it. I feel better after it. It's nice.

Perhaps best of all, I'm not thinking in terms of numbers anymore. It's not "by 2011." It's not "the X-minute mile." I have what you might loosely call goals, but they're more like things it would be nice to do. Mostly, I just...get on the treadmill. Have fun. After 15 years of off-and-on, binge-and-quit routines, I've finally settled in to just doing something. Consistently. And if I miss a day, no big.

It's really nice.

Comments

[rinue]

Wooooo! That's awesome. It's like when a recipe stops being a recipe and becomes just a thing you cook.

[valancy_jane]

:D I have been stupid-pleased with myself all day, I have to say. I've also thought a lot about your comments on compassion and wisdom and age; not that I didn't agree with you theoretically, but of a sudden lately I'm seeing all these examples in my own life. Including for myself, which is...really nice. And really new, to be honest. And frankly a lot easier to be kind to others when I'm being kind to myself.